The Cry of the Bittersweet (11/20/2007)
“People who see their glass as half empty are often those who find it impossible to take responsibility for their own actions. They believe the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence and think it’s always someone else’s fault they didn’t get that promotion. They’re convinced that the world is against them, and they end up being eaten by negative thoughts, petty jealousies and miseries. They’re no fun to be with, they’re always complaining and blaming and, not surprisingly, they’re nearly always ill." - Michael Van Straten
Negative happiness. The sweetest sorrow. Emotional masochism at its extreme.
People with this kind of attitude or lifestyle base must be avoided if you want to live a positive, stress-free life, for their negativity can be very strong, they are most likely to drag you down rather than you pull them up.
Disclaimer: You must stop reading here if you want to be happy.
On the other hand…
If you are friends with these people and you have the desire to help them, you may need to discern first if they explicitly ask for it, or if they simply manifest the symptoms of their depression. It would be easier if people openly talk about it, but in real life, most would not.
There are times when some of them do acknowledge the feeling but are reluctant to open up to their loved ones for fear of being misunderstood, ridiculed, and/or rejected. Oftentimes lonely people have difficulty expressing themselves in a language being understood by the optimists, or others in general.
There are others who are defensive and in denial that they do need help. They tell themselves that feeling sad, having low self-esteem, and feeling defeated occur to all people at some points in their lives. They often sugarcoat their loneliness by fervent hopes and futile attempts to make things better all by themselves.
But there are also people who simply do not ask for help. They may be the hardest ones to deal with because they are not even aware that their depression is the main problem. This idea might be outrageous, but it is a fact: There are people who are happy being lonely. They use a lot of emotional crutches (escape mechanisms, multiple personalities, mind buffers, surrogate ideas/activities/relationships, emotional/sexual hang-ups, etc.) to make them live day by day. They are so immune to sadness, that for them loneliness is their inspiration, driving force, and life - they feel that a simple act of kindness towards them is something they never deserve and is done to them only out of pity, a simple accomplishment is already a big triumph to them, that they will never be understood no matter the greatness and sincerest of efforts of family, friends, and other people to reach out to them.
Common manifestations of depression include the following:
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Changes in appetite that result in weight loss or gain not related to dieting
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Insomnia or oversleeping
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Loss of energy or increased fatigue
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Restlessness or irritability
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Feelings of worthlessness or inappropriate guilt
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Difficulty thinking, concentrating, or making decisions
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Thoughts of death or suicide, or attempts of suicide
If you still want to help them in spite of all your concern, love, and strength, but are not able to do so, don’t take it on all by yourself. There are people specialized for addressing those cases. You may have them consider seeking professional help, of course, using the language and approach they can appreciate.
Depression is a serious, but treatable, mental problem. It is a medical problem and not a personal weakness. It is also very common. Clinical depression, called "major depressive disorder" or "major depression" by doctors, is a serious medical illness that needs professional diagnosis and treatment. There are a variety of medical and alternative treatments to help these people overcome this conditon. It ranges from regulated antidepressant drugs to lifestyle change, electronic shock treatments to chiropractic care. You may consult a psychologist for diagnosis and appropriate treatment.
But if all else fails, go back and read the disclaimer.
